As of now most informed discussions on the two phones are mostly like the typical ones on Ilayaraja vs. A R Rahman where:

1)      Ilayaraja fans unequivocally establish the spontaneity in his works by creatively hating Rahman

2)      Rahman followers, on the other hand, firmly prove that his modern, eclectic music is far better because Ilayaraja is a lesser human being.

In general, if you listen to the two sets of fans, you will have good reason to make up your mind in favour of Sirpi, to like whom you are at least sure that you do not have to badmouth S A Rajkumar.

Coming back to the phones, the telecommunication sector is the one that has seen the most research and the maximum amount of investments in the last 20 years, the result of which can be seen in breakthrough gizmos like Samsung Note, bulky and unwieldy, exactly like the ones that we had before the enormous research and investments started to kick in, but convenient and trendy, endowed as it is with a stylus, a handy technological tool to clean your waxed ears with while you wait for the ‘apps’ to download (The previous era mobile-users accomplished this task with a decidedly non-technological pen or pencil).

Hahaha, as ever I am just joshing. The fact of the matter is that the evolution of mobiles is fascinating, especially considering that most of it has been at our expense.

When the first mobile phones arrived, you could just about make calls and send smses, and they lacked the crucial thing that any thinking individual would actually look for in a phone in the first place: Radio and music player.

After spending millions and millions of dollars and making people buy phones with the ability to play music, the phone-manufacturing industry suddenly realised that phones now have to have that feature that people cannot do without in an emergency situation. And that happened to be, well, a camera.

But what is the point of a camera if it remained just a camera? It, of course, needed to be a video camera. So more millions and millions, and more and more models later, the mobile phone industry was almost ready with a complete gizmo, when the most logical question arose in its collective brain: How good can a phone be if it featured just one camera?

And so while we the people were busy putting to brilliant use the compelling benefits of two cameras in one phone, the manufacturers themselves were probably wondering why it had not occurred to them to put a washing machine or a humble backhoe into a phone, which does not seem so stupid when you consider the fact that today we live in an era where refrigerators are being sold under the USP that they come with, ahem, a radio.

But seriously, after years of playing around with all those various features, the phone industry has now entered the technologically evolved phase of toying with the ‘apps’.

For the sake of the uninitiated among you, we will see with a simple example as to what exactly is an ‘app’ and how specifically it is useful to you: Previously mobile phones came pre-loaded at the factory itself with a set of features like games, to play which you did not expend a single rupee. Of course, this was patently uncool. Now, thanks to fast-growing technology, your modern phones don’t come with any games. Instead, you can download them easily by paying: firstly) to the service provider for the internet, and secondly) to the apps market where all the previously free games are now conveniently available at a cost. I am a big fan of such development and naturally I have paid top money to acquire a phone that allows me to spend more money on it on a daily basis.

Today, I am proud to have a phone that has more speed and space than my first laptop, and is such a delight to use, provided I limit it to five minutes, which is roughly the time for which its battery lasts.

(Modern-day living has come to a stage where people choose trains to travel, not based on time or berth convenience but whether the compartment comes with a plug-point to recharge the mobile. As I said, we are civilizationally evolving to new heights).

Anyway, when you are talking of ‘apps’, you’re by and large focussing on Apple iPhones and Android (operating system) phones. A sentence or two about them:

The plus for Android is that it is an open-source operating system, by which we mean you will not know whom to approach in times of a problem.  Modern behemoths like Samsung, LG, Motorola have opted for Android, because it gives them the space to focus on their area of core competence, which is to blame the software for all the technical hardware issues.

On the other hand, Apple apps, needless to say, work only on Apple products, and as a consumer, this is a distinct advantage for you. For, be it a simple error or a major software issue, the solution is the same: Instrument change. Further, Apple’s customers know that when they are buying an Apple product they are also buying the sterling Apple guarantee for high-prices.

So are smartphones, with all those applications, here to stay? Is the computer, as we know it, on the way out? We will perhaps know by Saturday or during the course of the coming week from Justice O P Saini, the judge of the Trial Court looking into the 2G case.

For, it is his brief to decide whether there is room anymore for PC or not.

©2012 Crank's Corner. All Rights Reserved.

New Delhi: In an intriguing turn of events, the Supreme Court today gave Sachin Tendulkar four months time, and set May 31 as deadline to ‘accomplish his 100 international hundreds’, failing which ‘all his records will stand cancelled’.

A two-member Bench of the Supreme Court passed this verdict in response to a Public Interest Litigation (PIL) filed by a clutch of Indian cricket fans who had moved the apex court complaining that they had to sit through Tests that had double centuries by Alaistair Cook in England, Michael Clarke and Ricky Ponting in Australia in the hope that Tendulkar would get that world record of 100 international hundreds.

‘Not only we faced the mortification of Tendulkar not getting to that world record, but we also had to endure mind-numbing phases of Test cricket, which are those dull moments when after a batsman hits a four there are no replays of the cheerleaders gyrating gaily,’ the fans said in their plea.

‘The 0-4 humiliation in the Tests at both England and Australia are not exactly humiliations for us. Because we used to follow Indian football in the past. Anyway, winning and losing are everyday aspects of sport. But records aren’t so.’

‘We chose to put ourselves through the grind of Test cricket solely in the hope that Tendulkar would get to that milestone so that we can high-five ourselves in the bar later,’ the fans said and added ‘the greatness of cricket is that it is a team sport that is played so that individual records can be created.’

Accepting that there is prima facie merit in their plea, the two-member Bench, comprising Justice R S V P Gangopadhyay and Justice A S A P Pyarelal, said ‘we cannot but come to the conclusion that Tendulkar, by not getting to that elusive 100^th hundred, was playing with the sentiments of cricket fans who are generally not used to the humiliation of watching Test cricket’.

‘Remember this is a country in which Hrishikesh Kanitkar is a bigger cricketing hero than Abid Ali,’ the court pointed out in a nuanced line.

Writing the order Justice Gangopadhyay said, ‘creating a situation in which people are cruelly compelled to follow Test cricket is a Constitutional no-no. This court is also of the considered view that making people sit through Cook’s innings is both heartless and heinous’.

Allowing the plea, the court gave Tendulkar four months time and set May 31 as the deadline to accomplish the world record. ‘Failing which all his other records stand to be annulled’.

The apex court, however, left it to a trial court to decide on the issue of whether to allow Sachin Tendulkar continue playing Test cricket. ‘As the Supreme Court we cannot be expected to give all the decisions. Even if you come to us for a verdict, we will direct a trial court to take up the matter. Of course, we will overthrow whatever the trial court decides when the same matter comes to us on appeal,’ it said.

Meanwhile, reacting to the verdict, sources close to Sachin Tendulkar said: ‘we feel vindicated. For, Sachin Tendulkar the person himself has been quite sad with the Test cricket player Sachin Tendulkar, just as the honest Manmohan Singh himself has been quite cut up with the acts of omission and commission of the Prime Minister and his office (PMO)’.

The BCCI, for its part, said that it would continue to back Tendulkar in his effort to get the world record. ‘He need not worry about the 31 May deadline. We will do everything possible. Like organising a Test match series with Bangladesh.’

‘But if he can’t get it even against Bangladesh, I think, we have no other go but to give Test match status to Honduras, which, for the record, does not have a cricket team, but has a few people who can identity a cricket bat,’ Rajiv Shukla, BCCI’s vice-president, pointed out.

Elsewhere, reacting to the verdict on Sachin Tendulkar, Press Council Chairman Markhandeya Khatju, in a press release, came down heavily on the Supreme Court for ‘wasting its time on frivolous subjects’.

‘Why is the Supreme Court giving a verdict when it can put its time to better use like reading P Sainath’s articles, which we all know are denser and longer than typical court verdicts,’ Khatju said and added ‘at any rate, the Supreme Court is mediocre. I should know, as I have been part of it in the past’.

Elsewhere, Janata Party president Subramaniam Swamy, filed an RTI application, seeking to know the real reason for India’s debacle in Australia. ‘My sources confirm that the only Indian who is coming back from Australia with his head held high is Leander Paes, who is a Catholic and loves Italian pizza. This is a conspiracy by the Christian mafia headed by Sonia Gandhi. I will expose them all by 31 April, overcoming all odds including the fact that such a date doesn’t exist at all’.

(Disclaimer: Agneepath film is deemed a hit because it is far better than the other Agneepath, we mean the Agneepath series)

©2012 Crank's Corner. All Rights Reserved.

It was on the same day that the nation’s Constitution too was adopted. But since it was a national holiday nobody really bothered to check what was in it, and that’s how it has remained till now.

And this January 26, we sneaked into the high-security vault where the original Constitutional draft, in crumbling pale-yellow papers, is stored. And this is what we found in it

(For the record, the Indian Constitution, containing 450 Articles in 24 parts, 12 schedules and 96 amendments, for a total of 117,369 words, is officially the longest in the world, yet runs just one-fifth of the length of a typical Arundhathi Roy essay).

Preamble

We The People of India, despite the fact many of us are illiterate and don’t really have a clue as to what is written below, have solemnly resolved to constitute India into Sovereign Social Secular Satanic Verses-banning Democratic Republic and secure to all its citizens never-ending spam SMSes from Dr Batra’s Hair clinic.

The Union and Its Territory

The nation will be made up of States that are always in a state of flux with the demand for more States.

There will be Union Territories, too. But nobody will know why.

Some Union Territories will be made into States. Again, nobody will know why.

Parliament, the President, the PM

Parliament will come in two official flavours, Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha. The first to be filled with politicos elected by the public, and the second, as a major difference, to be (mostly) filled with politicos elected by the politicos elected by the public.

The Lok Sabha will give the political thrust while the Rajya Sabha will give the intellectual thrust when members are calling others names.

In times of emergency and national calamity, no one can stop Parliament from performing its fundamental duty of observing two minutes silence.

Also, in times of scandal and controversy, Parliament is empowered to appoint: Some committee. After which if the scandal or controversy persists, Parliament has the sovereign right to shrug its collective shoulders.

The President of the nation shall be elected through the electoral college, so called because it will be too in-your-face to term it: random number making.

The President of the nation will be the supreme chief of the Army, Navy and Air-Force based on the fact that he or she would have had top military experience in the form of witnessing an NCC parade in school.

The nation shall have a Vice-President because the Rashtrapathi Bhavan is spacious.

The Prime Minister, the sovereign leader of the country, shall have the honour of addressing the nation from the ramparts of the Red Fort on the Independence Day — a historic occasion because it’s the only time that the word ‘ramparts’ ever gets to be used in a working sentence.

Every State shall have a Governor for the compelling Constitutional reason of accommodating some out of work politico.

National Language, Anthem, Song, Flag

The Constitution is drafted in English, and no prizes for guessing that the National Language is: Hindi.

India shall have a National Anthem, and an emergency back-up, National Song, neither of which will, of course, be in the National Language.

A provision for a second standby song in the form of Sare Jahan Se shall also be made.  Don’t ask us why. We are the Constitution, not AskYahoo.com

A further provision for the versions of A R Rahman is deemed mandatory.

Singing of the National Anthem will be mandatory on solemn occasions, which in some cases may be the end of a movie show.

Classical status to languages shall be accorded based on the recommendations of linguistic experts who undertake research on how much power the politicians of that (language) State are capable of wielding.

To truthfully paint the National Tri-colour you will need four colours: Saffron, white, green and blue (for the wheels).

Flying the flag upside is an offence. Anybody found saluting the flag while attempting sirasasanam would be severely dealt with.

Citizenship and Rights

Acquiring a ration card shall be the solemn duty of all citizens.

A ration card, can get you telephone connection, gas connection, water connection, but may not fetch you what it is supposed to. Deal with it.

Non-resident Indians, who leave the country for patriotic reasons of earning more, will be accorded more benefits than the ones who choose to stay here for personal gains like love of the country.

Land documents or legal papers shall never be written in easy, comprehensible language. Anybody who claims to understand, in one reading, what is written in such papers is liable for State action.

Don’t worry, one of these days reservation based on religion and caste will be so broad-based that every one will get to figure in it.

No individual has any right to intrude into another’s privacy. But even we in the Constitution confess that we are helpless against the tele-marketers.

(This is a gross spoof. No offence or malice meant)

©2012 Crank's Corner. All Rights Reserved.

# The flavour of the week is literature, and the headlines in the media pithily capture the evolved sensibility of the moment: ‘Jaipur braces up for possible terrorists from Mumbai’.

# Even before the festival opens, controversy dawns. A couple of writers who seem to be the type that pursue its art sincerely are spotted. The organisers, however, assure that in the future that they will be careful and avoid such needless intrusions from ‘total outsiders’.

# Oprah Winfrey is invited to the festival on the basis of her sterling literary achievement, which, as listed in the tournament brochure, is: ‘She once managed to lose weight successfully’.

# Oprah sets the stage for the intellectual discussions by passionately describing to earnest literary-minded media correspondents the details of the party at the Parameshwar Godrej place.

# Some participants insist that he should be allowed to participate at the festival here. ‘If he can’t be at a literary festival, you can as well close it and go away’ is the general gist of those who want his presence at Jaipur. There are others who feel that he cannot get away after offending religious sensibilities. ‘It was a clear case of blasphemy,’ is the sum and substance of those against him. The ‘he’ in reference, of course, is: Jay Leno.

# Salman Rushdie cancels his visit to Jaipur after the security authorities point out, not unreasonably, ‘the fog engulfing North India is getting worse’.

# Elsewhere, Digvijay Singh hits out Salman Rushdie for being a closet sangh parivar man. See ‘Salman Rushdie’ is the anagram of ‘hide RSS manual’, he said by way of explanation to his literary find.

# The moment it becomes clear that Salman Rushdie will not be attending the Jaipur Literary Festival due to ‘external factors’, Hari Kunzru and Amitava Kumar, in true intellectual fashion, quickly step on to the dais after downloading from Google excerpts from the book that is deemed ‘the most offensive in the world’, which on closer scrutiny turns out to be Shobha De’s Socialite Evenings. Before any further damage could be done, the red-faced organisers escort the two writers out and continue to discuss highbrow literature with Chetan Bhagat in a session moderated by the winner of the ‘Dada Saheb Phalke award for journalism’, Barkha Dutt.

# There are many interesting sessions involving many serious thinkers. True literary buffs have difficulty in picking which session to attend and which one to miss. And most of them tide over this existential problem by the most literary way: Attend the one that is nearer to the free booze tents. Oh yes, auto expo or literary festival, the attraction is always liquor.

# On the dramatic last day of the festival, shortly after the proposed video chat with Salman Rushdie is cancelled, actor Rahul Bose, who is a littérateur on the basis of the irrefutable fact that he has acted in a film in which Booker-winning novels were spotted in the background, makes a strong symbolic show of solidarity by reading from the Indian Constitution, since, as he eloquently points out: ‘Indian Constitution is the closest that comes to The Satanic Verses, in that both are big-bound, full of dense prose and nobody really knows as to what is actually written inside them.’

# With views tossed for and against the Salman Rushdie imbroglio, it is left to the ever-astute Suhel Seth to cut through the clutter and point out that seeking a ban on books is also a manifestation of freedom of expression. ‘It is Constitutionally allowed to even seek a ban on the Constitution,’ he said and explained as only he can, ‘But once you ban the Constitution, all bans, including the one on the Constitution, will lose their Constitutional sanctity. Hence banning the Constitution constitutionally will amount to banning the ban, unconstitutionally’.

(Disclaimer: True freedom of expression also means attempting pathetic jokes on some of the people who are actually putting their lives in peril trying to defend the very same freedom of speech)

©2012 Crank's Corner. All Rights Reserved.

Anyway, Rushdie or no Rushdie, such festivals are important because they provide the creative space for top writers, big publishers, well-connected agents and book aficionados to come together and, in a collective literary voice, crib about: Falling readership levels.  A literary festival is where they talk about sales figures in intellectual terms.

The thing about readership is, I think, it has been steadily receding ever since the first book was published. I remember my father, between swapping channels on the television, responsibly bleating the fact that the youth of my generation never bothered to read much. My granddad too, I suppose, taking a breather from listening to MLV or MKT, must have drummed home a similar message to my dad. Now I, while waiting for the Youtube video to buffer, never forget to tell my daughter in no uncertain terms that her age-types don’t devote enough time for reading.  One day, my daughter, too, I hope, will carry forward this great literary family tradition of complaining.

Another unique attraction of these festivals is the reading session, where a top writer will pick out for reading a prized portion from one of his/her books to an attentive gathering busy performing the literary task of texting on their mobiles the variation of the message: ‘Am at a book reading session. Will call later’. At least that is what happened at a reading session that I had been to sometime back. (Also, as a matter of rule these days, in a gathering there will be at least a moron who will not switch his mobile off, and it will ring the moment nominal silence is ensured).

But it was during that book-reading session that I was able to get the literary discernment — something that I might not have if I were just reading the book all by myself in the blank confines of my reading room — that the author was suffering from severe cold and cough. Frankly, no other insight was technically possible to attain during the reading session. Let us face it, no passage is going to magically throw up extra wisdom just because its author is reading it.

But this is the age of multi-tasking and multi-skills, it is only natural that we expect little more from everyone. If it’s reading for writers, extending the same logic, it can be writing for musicians. Imagine what fun it would be if we can possibly involve S P Balasubramaniam or Kishori Amonkar in a session where they sit in front of a large group and begin writing in their own long-hand some of the most memorable songs from their — a word that one is duty bound to use in a literary piece — oeuvre. I am sure the literary-minded people will pay top money to be at such an event.

Yet another important aspect of the book-reading sessions is the straight-from-the-heart discussions between the writer, who becomes the reader here, and the reader, who stops being the reader here. Such convivial exchanges help bring down the wall of formality between the writer and the reader, so that both can informally pose for pictures that they can post on their respective Facebook pages.

As writing professionals, most of us journalists look forward to being at literary festivals because they help further hone that one skill that is at the core of modern-day book-writing: Better relationship with the literary agent. Now, those of you outside the realm of book publishing industry would be keen to know the role of the literary agent in the scheme of things. Well, here it is: Writers write. Publishers publish. Readers read. Literary agents make money using the three.

As lay fans, literary festivals also help us understand better our writers —- not just as pen-wielding wizards, but also as every-day human beings —- giving us compelling reasons to hate them, something that might not be possible if our exposure to them had remained just with their books. Sir Vidya Naipaul was the genius who wrote the brilliant, among others, India — A Wounded Civilization and A House for Mr Biswas. Post the Jaipur Literary Festival a couple of years ago, we were able to see that Naipaul was a genius writer who was also an, to use a high literary expression, a******.

Anyway, one of these days, I intend to have my own Crank’s Corner Literary Festival, which I am sure none will attend.

On the brighter side, I will have the full backing of Ashok Gehlot and the Deobandis, something which the great Salman Rushdie cannot even dream of pulling off.

©2012 Crank's Corner. All Rights Reserved.