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November, 2009:

A case for Kasab and MNS

One day we will all be dead.

But this may not be the idea that you will get if you have been keeping track of the Ajmal Kasab Mumbai terror attack case. The man has been caught on camera unleashing bullets and mayhem and was clearly part of the contingent that splashed into Indian shores and wreaked unprecedented havoc, killing nearly 200 innocent people, in Mumbai November last. But the case has been going on in the court as if we are all set for 1000 years of life.

Pardon me if I sound very lay and totally uninitiated, but to me the court had to decide just one thing: On which date should Kasab be hanged. But they are discussing everything apart from that single-most important detail. It’s bit like getting every thing ready for the marriage, without deciding the bride and the groom.

At this pace, the matter may reach some kind of denouement by around 2097. As I said, most of us would be gone by then. But why should we miss out on the whole run-up and all the events. So here it goes on how the case will pan out in the years to come, and what all the attendant events that the media will report.

Actually thinking up this was not difficult: I just tried to be logically stupid.

Kasab’s lawyer demands case papers in Pashto

Mumbai, Aug 26 (2018): The ongoing case in the Mumbai terror attack took an intriguing turn today with Ajmal Kasab’s lawyer, Abdul Khaleej, filing a writ with the Mumbai High Court seeking the case papers to be written in Pashto, the Arabic language that Kasab is most comfortable with.
Khaleej, filing the writ, told the Court that Kasab has not been able to follow the proceedings because the relevant papers are not in Pashto, the only language he is familiar with.

Hearing the case Justice Khoobchand Mirchandani ordered the prosecution to provide the translation of the case papers in Pashto to enable Kasab to keep track of what is happening to him.

Meanwhile, government sources said that the translation of papers into Pashto will take two more years as there are over one lakh pages to work on. The government has decided to set up a high-level committee of language experts to decide on what the hell is Pashto.

It may be recalled that Ajmal Kasab was caught red-handed some 10 years ago trying to pump bullets on every bystander in his vision. The prosecution’s case is that the Ajmal who massacred people on Nov 26, 2008 is the same Ajmal who was caught and is also the one who is in judicial custody now.

It may also be recalled that the papers pertaining to Ajmal case have already translated into Hindi, Urdu, Arabic, Persian, Esperanto, smsese and Karachi slang.

The man who shot Kasab dead,
case takes intriguing turn

Mumbai, Jan 26 (2025): A pall of gloom today descended over the Breach Candy hospital here as the photographer, who shot Ajmal Kasab while he was busy shooting others at the Churchgate and Taj Hotel, today died of massive heart attack. He was 85 and is survived his close family and Ajmal Kasab.

The photographer, working with a popular group of newspapers, had clicked on his camera the visceral images of Ajmal, toting his machine gun and going on a killing spree at the Church Gate. The photograph was one of the important evidences of the prosecution.

Meanwhile, following the photographer’s demise, Ajmal’s lawyer moved the Mumbai High Court urging it to not take into account the photograph as an important material evidence.

‘The photograph ceases to be valid and legal as its photographer himself has faded out of life,’ said Ajmal’s lawyer not unreasonably. ‘When the photographer himself is not permanent, how can you rely convincingly one something that he produced,’ the Lawyer said.

The Court, which had reconvened after the two month summer holiday, posted further hearing in the case to July 26, 2026.

Elsewhere, Pakistan pooh-poohed India’s latest dossier of details on Islamabad culpability in all the terrorist activities on Indian soil. The dossier include latest graphic video clipping, including that of Pakistan President personally hand-picking grenades and sten guns and handing over to Taliban recruits, who needless to say, were not dressed like stuntmen in a Vijayakanth movie.

MNS storms HC, seeks reporting in
Marathi by English newspapers

Mumbai, May 26 (2035): Armed activists, all reportedly fully paid-up members of the Maharashtra Navanirman Sena, today barged into the Mumbai High Court premises, and created stir by threatening all the news correspondents of English newspapers to report in chaste Marathi.

The MNS activists, who were carrying many dangerous weapons even though they were not all manufactured in Maharashtra, also wanted the court to provide a Marathi translation of the case papers to Ajmal Kasab.

‘Ajmal has been in Maharashtra for the last two decades and his knowledge of Marathi must be good enough for him to right a play for Jathra. So it is only fair that he be provided the case papers in Marathi,’ said a MNS spokesperson in chaste expletives.

In a related development, Ajmal today became a grandfather as his daughter gave birth to a baby boy in Karachi. Ajmal, it may be recalled, got married here some 25 years back when he was new to this place.

Following strong activism by leading human rights activists like Arundhathi Roy (she wrote a stinging 39,000-worded single sentence article), the court had given Ajmal special permission to live with his wife in a well-equipped villa constructed inside the jail. Ajmal’s wife, daughter of Abu Al Quereshi, a well-known al-Aaida terrorist,

Kasab dead, fast court set up to expedite case

Mumbai, Nov 26 (2075): Ajmal Kasab, the sole survivor of the first Mumbai terror attack case, which unfolded somewhere in 2008, today passed away in his sleep at his well-appointed room in the hi-tech villa in the heavily fortified Mumbai prison.

Ajmal was 85. He death came under normal circumstances, his fifth wife said in a statement. Ajmal is survived by 35 sons, 25 daughters, 8 wives and an orphaned case.

In a related development, the Centre today told the Lok Sabha that a Fast Track court was being set up to expedite the progress in the Kasab Mumbai terror attack case. This, the Home Minister said, will help in bringing to book the culprits in the case at the earliest.
Elsewhere, the whole of Pakistan was heard to laugh uncontrollably.

PS: For the sake of MNS activists, the sound of laughter in Marathi was heard as: Ha, Ha, Ha!