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May, 2010:

Rahman’s song creates record: Fan likes it after just one listen

‘Dhoni to be axed as captain of Indian cricket team’ screamed a front-page headline in a national newspaper. The greatness of this particular bit of news is that it underlines the dint of hard labour that the writer put in carefully avoiding the involvement of any truth in it. Normally, it’s humorists’ wont to think up nonsensical stuff and peddle them up in their columns. But mainstream journalists have started outwitting them.

In this particular news item, the reporter using his imagination, I repeat only imagination, had put out an important story involving the Indian cricket team, its captain M S Dhoni and the BCCI, without actually talking to any of them. I say, this is brilliant.

In the face of such a serious challenge, humor writers have to either contemplate retirement or plumb new depths and come up with even more silly stuff.  I have chosen the latter.

Ok, here is my contribution for the week: If you don’t find it stupid enough it only means that your daily news is stupider.

Rahman’s song creates record: Fan likes it after just only listen

By Our Correspondent Who Lets You Face The Music

In an unprecedented development that has sent waves of excitement and even panic in the music industry, a fan of double Oscar-Grammy winner A R Rahman today claimed that he has started liking the music director’s new song after just one listen. ‘I played it just once, and instantly I was hooked on to it,’ said V N Prasanna, the fan in question.

Normally, music writers have this patented line that Rahman’s songs need to ‘grow on you’, as if it were some kind of nail or hair on your body. So, in general, a fan hears a typical Rahman number for at least a few thousand times before he gets a hang of it that it is actually a song. And after few more thousands hearing, he gets to figure out as to in which language the song is set in.

So, in all, Rahman’s songs, as it is played so many million times just to be understood as to what it is all about, become a huge hit irrespective of whether they are lapped up by the fans or not. But his latest number has bucked the trend with the fan, Prasanna, telling everyone that he has taken to it after hearing it just once.

The reaction to it in the music industry is one of surprise and shock. Shock because if Rahman’s numbers are understood and liked so instantly, who will play them again and again and make them hits. ‘It’s a moment of reckoning for us,’ said a spokesperson of the industry, without bothering to reveal his identity. He is deemed a spokesperson because he is a person who can speak.

A spokesperson from the film industry was much more guarded in his comments: He will not say anything without wearing his helmet and seat-belts. ‘Rahman is a genius. So too are K V Mahadevan, M S Vishvanathan, Ilayaraja, Chandrabose, S A Rajkumar and Sirpi…,’ he said, laying out all the music directors who have worked in the industry, before the reporter cut him short and asked about the Rahman number in question.

‘Rahman’s number?’, the film industry spokesperson intoned, and said ‘well, I don’t have his number as Rahman is an intensively private person and doesn’t like to share his number with anyone’.

Rahman himself was unavailable for comment as he was said to be in Belgium composing music for a Hindi movie whose director is stationed in South Africa with the producer sitting in Perth. Rahman will reportedly compose the songs in Germany and send it to New Zealand for background score and Italy for recording. The CDs will be made in Japan and Hong Kong. No doubt when you listen to a Rahman number, you kinda think that it has a well-travelled feel.

Since Rahman couldn’t be contacted, our reporter just made up his quote, which you can recall from the previous report on Rahman which itself was made up.

Maniratnam also chose to not speak on this subject as well the nuclear-proliferation treaty. But it beats the heck out of us, why we need Maniratnam’s opinion on this piece.