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April 12th, 2012:

Crank’s News: Facebook buys recycle bin in computers

Aggressive Zuckerberg gets adventurous too 

New York: It was a deal that was waiting to happen.

Recycle Bin, the popular waste container in computers across the globe, has been acquired by the social networking behemoth, Facebook, which is now on an acquisition spree.

Coming closely on the heels of Facebook’s take over of Instagram, the photo app company, there has been a huge thrill across tech majors and Wall Street entities over this exciting addition to Mark Zuckerberg’s stable.

Facebook is paying 2 billion dollars (approximately huge money in Indian rupees) in cash and stock for the takeover.

Most social networking platforms are now full of stuff that not long ago were destined to die an unceremonious death in the emotionless folders of Recycle Bin. Considering this uncanny synergy, it was only a matter of time that the Facebook took it over.

Facebook’s chief executive Mark Zuckerberg has pledged to continue to let Recycle Bin remain as a separate entity, allowing it for use by rival networks, too.

Zuckerberg wrote on his Facebook page: ‘This is an important milestone for Facebook because it’s the second time, after Instagram, we’ve ever acquired a thing with so many users’.

‘We think the fact that Recycle Bin is connected to other services beyond Facebook is an important part of the experience’.

He added: ‘We plan on keeping features like the ability to post on a social networking site, Facebook or any other platform, straight whenever an user sends a file for the Bin.’

Taking into consideration Zuckerberg’s aggressive approach so far, industry analysts, however, predict, that the world would surely move to a situation where Recycle Bins across computers are integrated solely to Facebook.

Pedro Weber, an internet expert, said Zuckerberg’s strategy is clear and well calculated. ‘What you see in Recycle Bin today is what you will see in Facebook tomorrow. Zuckerberg has taken control of both past and future, of both computers and its users,’ he gushed.

‘The smartness of Zuckerberg’s strategy is that he has astutely chosen something that is operational on both Apple and non-Apple devices’, Weber, who has also authored the tech book, Apple of the i, pointed out. ‘Zuckerberg is verily rewriting history, as everyone knows the history of a computer cannot be written without the Recycle Bin’.

Elsewhere the Wall Street, too, has given its thumbs up for this new deal just as it did when Facebook acquired Instagram.

‘This is a huge shot in the arm for Facebook. Now that it has spent two billion dollars from its kitty, Facebook’s value itself will go up by at least six or seven billion dollars,’ said William Bull, of the famous broking firm LSD (Lock, Stock and Dollars).

Asked how Facebook can monetise out of this deal, Bull pointed out that Zuckerberg would like to follow the same strategy that he has laid out for Instagram, too.

For the record, Instagram is a photo apps company, which allows users to upload pictures, absolutely free of cost. Naturally, Wall Street braintrusts see a huge business potential for this company.

Facebook, which is also in the business of free uploading of pictures, quickly seized the opportunity and paid one billion dollars and took over Instagram. Now, Facebook will remain free, Instagram will remain free, but Zuckerberg will continue to be enormously rich. ‘This is the beauty of modern valuation norms,’ Bill explained. ‘Don’t ask the question whether your company can make any money at all. Ask the question whether you can make money.’

The Recycle Bin deal comes ahead of Facebook’s planned flotation later this year. The firm reportedly plans to issue $5bn worth of stock on the New York-based Nasdaq exchange in May or June. The deal could value the firm as being worth as much as $100bn. ‘In Wall Street, words and money speak LOUDEST when they are in Capital,’ Bull.

Elsewhere, Facebook’s archrival, Google+, is reportedly mulling a matching takeover. Industry insiders say Google+ may acquire MS DOS, considering the fact that both share the same ethos: Nobody knows why they are there.

(Disclaimer: Considering our non-revenue model and utter lack of practical use, don’t you think Crank’s News is ripe for picking by Facebook?)