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August 17th, 2017:

TN medical colleges to offer law degrees

NEET confusion leaves students experts in legal matters
Engineering institutes give 6-month ‘compact degrees’ for medicos

Chennai, Aug 17: Even as the Law Ministry has offered its consent for the ordinance exempting TN students from NEET (National Eligibility cum Entrance Test) for this year, and even as, in response. a section of students has filed a plea with the Supreme Court to make NEET valid for TN, there is some good news for the harried medical aspirants: Medical colleges in the State are set to offer law degrees.

Confirming the news, a highly placed official in State Education Department told Crank’s News that there is nothing to be surprised about as it is an inevitable outcome. “We have had medical aspirants in the State discussing legal matters over the last two years more than they would have even if they were actually doing a law degree”, he said and added “at any rate, if you are doing a law course, you don’t actually discuss law, you attend violent protests and break buses and properties.”

“Since medical aspirants are so well versed in legal nitty-gritty, it is only fair that we offer them something. In the present scenario, medical colleges in Tamil Nadu are not in a position to offer medical degrees. So we will be offering students law degrees”.

The Education Department official said, “the thing is we will offer law degrees right at the time of them joining the college since they come pre-qualified. We don’t want to confuse their hard-earned knowledge by teaching them academically.”

The Education Department official however said that there was still some confusion over whether the law degree should be offered based on the NEET score or not. “We will send a team to get a clarification from the Law Ministry, Medical Council of India, the Health Ministry, and just in case, with any person who happens to be in the vicinity of the two buildings”.

Meanwhile, many medical aspirants in the State seemed happy at the latest development. “This law degree will stand us in good stead. Now people will think twice before taking us medical professionals to court for wrong treatment or diagnosis. We will slap section 302 CrPC combined with sedative and laxative on anyone”

We may or may not know medicine, but our knowledge of law will strike fear in our patients. Even if we recommend a full-fledged surgery to anyone stepping into our hospitals, even if they happen to just beat postmen, nobody dare protest us, they said.

Interestingly, the latest turn of events also seemed to enthuse the lawyer community. “Till date, advocates were the most hated group, alongside the KKK gang and Gayathri in Bigg Boss house. But the emerging doctor-lawyer combo will brook no competition. They will by far be the most reviled community ever. They have all the requirements for the same”.

Elsewhere, the beleaguered engineering colleges in Tamil Nadu, which have seen very poor response in the last few years, have come up with an ad hoc six-month course that offers a full-fledged engineering degree to all those who have cleared NEET.

A spokesperson for the consortium of engineering colleges said that already most of the engineering seats have been taken up only by people who are medical aspirants. “They will quit once they get a medical seat”, he said and added “we want to formalise this state of affairs. Also, we want to attract those medical aspirants who are sitting idle at home rather than take up engineering and idle at colleges”.

“The NEET confusion seems an every-year phenomenon. Even if they come up with some solution this year, the fracas will doubtless return next year too. So we will have a lot of wannabe medicos joining engineering colleges,” he explained. “Rather than it being a pointless silly six-month fling, we have decided to make it a pointless silly six-month show that actually gets you a degree. That is right, we are offering an engineering degree for the six-odd month course”.

Won’t it be difficult to compress a four-year course to a six-month crash learning exercise? The spokesperson let out a sarcastic smile and said, “actually what we have so far been doing in engineering colleges is to desperately expand to four years what can truly be learnt in a span of six months or even less.”

“With an engineering degree, medicos will hopefully be better doctors because they will at least know how to build better buildings for their hospitals,” the consortium spokesperson concluded.

(Disclaimer: Yeah, this is harsh on the medical aspirants who are unsure what future awaits them. This spoof may be tasteless for them. But still the most insensitive spoof played on them remains the real one authored by the State and Central governments.)