Cupertino: Reacting to the widespread criticism that the recently-released iPad 3 was prone to overheating, Apple Inc has blamed ‘the poor quality of electricity that people use to recharge the batteries’ and announced a revolutionary solution to the problem, whereby the electric power for battery recharge for iPhones, iPads and iPods would henceforth be available only at the iStore as an Apps, ‘which can be downloaded for a fee whenever there is a need for recharge.’
Thanks to this forward-thinking plan, Apple not only hopes to tide over the ‘overheating problem’ but also use the occasion to make more money, which is one of the ‘iconic goals’ of this global techno major.
‘Whenever a problem arises we don’t see it as a setback. We see it as a money-making opportunity. This is part of the vision of the legendary Steve Jobs,’ a spokesperson of the company, quoting the Company’s CEO Tim Cook, said here.
‘We looked into the complaints of overheating quite holistically. Even though the complaints were only from certain quarters, we at Apple took it very seriously, especially because that whatever solution that we come up with can be actually palmed off to all users at an extra price, which is Apple’s core strength,’ Tim Cook said.
‘It’s this thought that has lead to the birth of ‘iPower’, Apple’s branded power recharge Application,’ Tim Cook amidst applause from his co-workers. ‘iPower is just the beginning, we are already exploring all the ways and means whether it is possible for Apple products-users to possibly breathe only through them’.
‘Till yesterday, people were using some unbranded electric power to charge their batteries. But from today, they get to move up on the technological ladder whereby they can enjoy that very same electric power at an extra cost,’ Cook concluded.
Meanwhile, getting into the technical specifics, the head of Apple’s research department said: ‘Overheating typically occurs due to several factors. But we chose to zero in on the vagaries of electric power because it was, well, ‘more believable and easy.’
‘Initially there were some reservations from some quarters in the company whether people will be ready to pay and download electric power on a daily basis,’ the research head said and added ‘but others in the company, however, logically pointed out that when people were already shelling out top dollars for a range of products that don’t come with the handy convenience of even an USB port, they can be really counted to pay even more for everyday battery power’.
The spokesperson pointed out that all the legendary Apple products would, from now on, be compatible only with the ‘electric power supplied by the iStores’.
All new pieces ready to be sold at the Apple Stores have been made iPower-compliant. ‘But existing Apple product-users need not fret. They can upgrade their existing instruments, for a cost, and quickly realise that the new application really works only with the newer variant,’ the spokesperson said and added ‘it’s just like what happens whenever we release a new version of iPhone or ipad: All the useful and usable functions seem to be available only in the next version’.
At Apple, the spokesperson said, the rule of the thumb is: ‘Customer is the king. So there is no harm in making him pay a king’s ransom’. The sui generis logo of the company, the slightly bitten Apple, underscores the Newtonian scientific truth that applies to all electronic goods: You are a sucker to buy this one.
With the revolutionary iPod, iPhone and iPad in its ambit, Apple has verily emerged as a game-changer, in that it has proved that with sincere effort it is possible to make stupendously superfluous products look utterly indispensable.
Meanwhile, reacting to the release of iPower, the Apple-backed electric power downloads, users across have reacted with glee and gusto. ‘We are all ready to relish once again that inimitable Apple experience, technically defined as that fine feeling that comes with paying in dollars for things that cost only a few cents,’ gushed Andrew White of Seattle.
In a related development in India, several NGOs across the country have hit the streets protesting that Apple power Apps might supply nuclear-plant generated electricity, which in the event of an earthquake, can be catastrophic.
(Disclaimer: Apple said that it was not responsible for the ‘overheating’ in a couple of iPad users in the Gujarat Assembly)