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Crank’s News: Aamir buys up Vijay’s rights for remake rights

Chennai/Mumbai: In a first of its kind tie-up in the history of world cinema, the market savvy actor Aamir Khan, on behalf of the producers and directors of all his films, has entered into a formal agreement with the Tamil mass hero Vijay, and bought over his (Vijay’s) rights for remakes rights of his (Aamir’s) films.

As per the MoU signed personally by both the actors, Aamir Khan has agreed to pay out 75 per cent of the total business that every movie of his makes to Vijay, while the Tamil star, in return has committed himself to, forget remaking them, not even watching Aamir’s films.

‘The 75 per cent pay-out is a small price to pay for saving my works,’ a beaming Aamir Khan told news persons after the MoU signing ceremony.

Vijay, for his part, opined that it was a privilege to enter into a tie-up with Aamir and agree to not watch his movies. ‘I have never been a great fan of Aamir Khan’s movies. I grew up not watching any of his laborious, pretentious works. Now to be honoured for my abiding disinterest is a dream come true,’ a usually reticent Vijay effusively said.

Trade analysts described the MoU as a ‘win-win’ for both the stars. ‘With Vijay out of the way, there is no one who can show up Aamir’s works to be not as cerebral as they are widely thought to be. Remember his Joh Jeeta Wohi Sikkander? People took that to be classy entertainment, till Vijay exposed its inner ridiculousness with a honest remake through the brilliantly insipid Tamil movie Badhri,’ said a leading trade analyst.

Even though Vijay has forfeited his right for remakes, he still retains the freedom to produce his unique brand of movies, shallow enough to appeal to Salman Khan to think of remaking it.

Meanwhile, Aamir also let it known on the occasion that based on the success of this arrangement, he may also enter into similar contracts with other South Indian stars like Ajith (Tamil) and Mahesh Babu (Telugu) and whatishisname (Kannada), all of whom have made a stellar name for themselves by remaking crappy remakes of existing crappy Hindi movies.

The agreement between the two titans of the film industry comes in the backdrop of the latest developments over Aamir Khan’s Three Idiots and the possibility of Vijay living the role as one of the Idiots in its Tamil remake.

Interestingly, it is said that Aamir Khan was initially very happy that the movie was to be remade for Vijay in Tamil. ‘This was the best revenge we could have had on Chetan Bhagat, on whose supposed work is Three Idiots supposedly based on’ was Aamir’s reasoning, a source which is privy to the background events said.

Chetan Bhagat, it may be recalled, had griped that the team of Three Idiots did not adequately acknowledge the fact his book was the main source of inspiration for the film.

‘If Vijay had indeed remade the film, the same Chetan Bhagat would have surely made even more loud noises trying to disassociate his name and that of his book from the film. It would have been funnier than anything Chetan tries to dish out in his book ‘ the source said, echoing the line of thought in Aamir’s mind.

But when the word was out that Vijay had opted out of the Tamil remake of Three Idiots, Aamir’s only chance for revenge on Chetan also went out of the window.

Aamir was crestfallen. And he was deflated even more when this thought hit home: Vijay still had the option of reworking his (Aamir’s) other works. ‘Imagine Vijay playing Ram Shankar Nikumbh, the role of the considerate teacher that Aamir portrayed in his highly-acclaimed Tare Zameen Par,’ the source said. ‘Aamir’s worry was not his role being played by Vijay. But whose character will Vadivelu take?’ Vadivelu stars in most of Vijay’s movies because along side him alone that he (Vijay) comes across as a hulk.

But Vijay’s camp played down the chances of the star bringing Tare Zameen Par in Tamil. ‘A young man trying to give advice to even those who are not looking for it, and generally exuding stupid positivity even in a desperate situation. Is this not what Aamir played in Tare Zameen Par? Well, Vijay had pulled this off in Puthiya Geethai‘,’ said a Vijay camper.

For the record, Puthiya Geethai is a Vijay starrer which even Salman Khan has not thought it fit to remake.

(Disclaimer: Evlovo padichuteenga, idha padikka maatingalana?)

(Disclaimer: The previous disclaimer wouldn’t make sense unless you know Tamil and Vijay’s movies)

(Disclaimer: Even if you know Tamil, Vijay’s movies never make any sense)

  • Achyuthan Sundarrajan

    Excellent!!

    Pity that Chetan doesn’t get to shout at Vijay…
    Imagine, Vijay sitting in the 1st bench of the 1st year Mechanical engineering classroom and defining the term ‘machine’. His english would have been a much better comedy than what Vadivelu could ever perform. And, the ragging scene- NO ELECTRICAL CONTRAPTIONS FOR VIJAY, coz he just takes care of it the old fashioned way- a fight scene… And by the way, haven’t we seen those in a Vijay movie already??

    Anyways, there’ll be this TITLE SONG, where students dressed as doctors, will dance in the backdrop of an engineering college… And definitely, it’s not JOY, but rather CHETAN BHAGAT himself who’d commit suicide in the middle of the movie!!

    Lastly, that Tare Zameen Par character… Shouldn’t that be Ram Shankar Nikumbh??

  • K Balakumar

    @Achyuthan: Thanks. Indeed it’s Ram Shankar Nikumbh. I had the name in mind, but somehome got this name instead. (Bulb moment). Shall make the correction.

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  • MN

    ah – so you have a new proof-reader, now. When will you mock Ayn Rand & her over-my-head books – Atlas Shrugged, for example. I was wondering if it would be a good read (to me) – considering the fact that I’m still continuing to read one of John Grisham’s books from the past 3 – 4 months – :).
    .
    MN

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