Crank’s News: Man hounded for having no opinion on Modi

New Delhi: On the social media platforms, if you support Narendra Modi you are damned. If you hate Narendra Modi you are damned.

And, as Opilli, a tweeter from Chennai, found to his horror, having no real opinion on Narendra Modi, leads to the most damnation.

It all began with Opilli, as is his wont, and as is the wont of most tweeters from Tamil Nadu, began the day with a pointlessly flippant tweet: ‘NaMo’s new hairstyle or Sachin’s new hairstyle. #YouPrefer.’

For good measure, he added in the same tweet: ‘S M Krishna’s wig. #TheDifference’

Actually, Opilli’s tweet didn’t make much sense or carry any real meaning. Of course, in general, twitter is not a place where you need to sound meaningful.

But just minutes after Opilli’s tweet showed up on the twitter timeline, the responses/replies began to come thick and fast. And here is a sample from them:

‘It’s insensitive that people compare a man who is seen as monster by millions with a man who is giving joy to millions’, tweeted SandaliRavaIdly

‘Only a sickular mind can talk of innocuous hairstyle overlooking the inspiring development in Gujarat,’ tweeted NeandrathalIndian

‘PaidMedia chors are always splitting hairs. LOL!’ tweeted DiagonalOfLeft

‘Modi’s hair is not what needs to be cut,’ tweeted JiSurya

‘Raising hackles is not new to Modi. #GetIt’, tweeted MeesaMadhavan.

And, of course, the inevitable one in all such classy exchanges: ‘Thala’s hairstyle in Billa 2 rocks. Pl. RT’ by AjitF123Champ

And also this: ‘It doesn’t matter whether you are a Modi hater or Modi lover, come to our gig as I perform with @JoroJomo at Pune’s RagaOnTheRocks pub,’ tweeted DefiniteArticleVir.

Not to speak of this: ‘Dear Modi fans, when we say “hairstyle” we indirectly “say Hitler” #anagram,’ uselessly tweeted ramukalab.

Perhaps shaken by the avalanche of responses, Opilli put out an explanatory tweet. ‘Guys, easy. That was just a fun tweet. I really don’t have any opinion on what Narendra Modi may have done or may not have!’

As is often the case, this rather than clear the air set fire to the already overcharged atmosphere.

‘It’s sad that India is peopled by folks who don’t care what Gujarat has achieved under Modi. These people must go live in Rome. #NaMoForPM’, tweeted ZipZapZoomBharathian.

‘Ignorance is never bliss. Ambedkar was right when he talked of grammar of anarchy stemming from lack of informed opinions,’ said CornyCopia

‘India is paying the price for the sins of effete fence-sitters. Sometimes they are worse than the trolls!’ TalilSripathy said.

‘If sticking the neck out and voicing my opinion is trolling, then I am a troll. I think, therefore I troll,’ tweeted PanchanKupta.

‘Sigh. They have started the war. All because Opilli did not have an opinion,’ tweeted ‘Iyengarrulous’, a typical Chennai tweeter

And before long #OpinionlessOpilli became a trending topic, eventually leading to everyone pouring scorn on Opilli in myriad meaningless ways:

‘Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to have a closer look at #OpinionlessOpilli and check out whether #OO were letters or real eggs.’

‘#OpinionlessOpilli or #OnionlessUsili? #YouPrefer’

‘#OpinionlessOpilli and Manmohan Singh. #SameGuy?’ 

#OpinionlessOpilli is the new #SirUMadeLakhs’

‘#OpinionlessOpilli is actually a ThoughtlesssThambi. Har. Har. Har.’

 And then, finally:

‘Abeyaar, why is #OpinionlessOpilli trending now?’

Elsewhere, the drama on twitter cast a shadow in the political circles too with activist Teesta Setelvad urging cricketer Sachin Tendulkar to give up his new hairstyle because it seems he (Sachin) is showing solidarity to Narendra Modi who is also sporting a new hairdo.

‘We want Sachin, whom we respect as a cricketer, to distance himself from Modi,’ Setelvad said and added ‘Sachin should also refrain from playing in Ahmedabad any more’.

Setelvad also revealed that she would be writing to the International Cricket Council (ICC) ‘to annul the result of the India-Australia quarterfinal match of the last World Cup as it was held at Ahemedabad.’

(Disclaimer: We have some strong opinions on Narendra Modi, the chief of which is without him as a topic the twitter will be a mighty boring place)