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Dial M for Mobiles (and we will put you on hold)

We think the time has come for us to tackle, head on, the searing Sartrean existential crisis staring at humanity today, the moral quandary gripping our entire civilization like never before, the one that both technologists and philosophers agree has no real right answers, a query so deep and desperate that even the Vedas don’t point to any possible solution: Which phone to buy?

You don’t have to believe us. Just look at your family. At any given point, either you or one of your family members, we are sure, are scrolling the internet, with deep lines furrowing the forehead, for reviews and details of mobile phones that can help you make an informed choice. The diligence that people show while researching for mobile phones is something they don’t exhibit even when they are zeroing in on their life partners.

These days, most people go for a new mobile phone because the old mobile phone had become — rim shot — boring. It is almost as if people have the same expectation of their phones as the folks of the previous generation had on Silk Smitha, which is to keep them entertained for most of their wakeful hours.

Anyway, for a college-going youngster, the phone boredom-threshold is — we agree we are erring on the side of conservatism here —- 4 or 5 hours. That is, they begin looking out for a new phone the moment they buy a new phone.

Out there in the market, the options in front of you as a consumer basically boil down to whether you want to pick an Apple phone or an android one.

Let us examine the pros and cons of the two in detail:

Apple phones: Apple is verily the headquarters of technological innovation. Its iconic ipad is a case in point. It is a product that is at once remarkable for its unwieldiness and, even more sensationally, no one has any need for. Naturally, it has become hugely popular. The world forever laps up anything that it can do without. 24-hour news channels and gobi manchurian, to give two examples that readily come to mind. On the other hand, the world doesn’t get enough of Shihan Husaini.

Last week, Apple announced the release of a new series of iphones and ipads that are said to be packed with a lot of style and smarts that we are told will be diametrically different from Apple’s previous offerings that were filled with — you will accept this is indeed diametrically opposite —- smarts and style.

For the first time, Apple has now introduced the revolutionary ‘3D Touch Technology’, which when translated into every-day language is: You will never understand it. So don’t even bother trying.

It is too early comment on the efficacy of the new features. But you can rest assured that when you are buying an Apple product you are also buying the sterling Apple guarantee for high prices.

Android phones: Android is no proprietary brand name of any phone, it is an open source operating system, by which we mean you will not know whom to approach in times of a problem.

No, we are just kidding. The beauty of open source offerings is that, as a user, if you encounter any hitch or problem, there are many open forums on the internet where you can ‘post’ about your issues and immediately get long responses from totally unknown persons from across the globe explaining in great detail that they are also facing the very same issue. Though your problems will never get solved, you, as an individual, will have the bigger solace of knowing that you are not the only one suffering.

Android users will also have access to a lot of wonderful apps, whose operations and uses may be diverse, but all of them will have that one unique binding quality of being a total drain on your phone battery.

But these days you have something called the power bank, thanks to which you don’t have to desperately look for a power socket for your fast-draining mobile. Instead you now have to look for an electric plughole to charge your power bank. Technology, as they rightly say, makes our life totally easy.

So, at the moment (around 2.30 p.m. Friday), the jury is still out (on a vacation, probably) on the Apple or Android question. But what of the future? It is difficult to predict it in a flux-filled industry. But we do hope that researchers, who are passionately pushing the frontiers of technology, do come up with that one phone that humanity actually needs now. The one that —- it can be difficult to wrap your mind around this concept as it may seem too revolutionary — allows you to just make or receive calls and does nothing else.

And before anybody can steal our radical idea, we are going to pitch in this concept to investors as Freedom Phone. Or to give the spelling that Ivy League Universities-educated venture capitalists would be impressed by: Freedom Fone!


  • amarnath

    I avoid all this by sticking with good old blackberry. no hacks (hackers have no idea that blackberry still exists) and phone is unbreakable (never leaves its sheath) and the apps are bulletproof (calculator and alarm clock never break).

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