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Near unanimity on Rahul Gandhi’s performance

*State of the nation poll 2016
*Get to know of the big chunk of people happy with demonetisation

New Delhi, Dec 28: The defining mood of the nation as 2016 winds up is one of happiness that the year is actually ending.

With each passing day, the year kept getting worse and beyond a point it became a sick joke for many.

But when was the last time that a year turned out to be so uniformly bad? Well, for this we have to turn the clock back all the way to 2015, the previous year. Seriously, last year too wasn’t anything great. And so was 2014, the year one before it and so on. This has been the case always.

Don’t fret that this year is bad. If you want some positive, here it is: What history tells us is that humankind has an enormous capacity to make every oncoming year worse than the previous one. I mean the world was worried at the prospect of Donald Trump becoming the President of the United States of America. But next year, he will be the President of America.

Closer home, in India, the demonetisation woes look like ending as the government can be counted to — if we are not going to trust the government we have voted to power then whom will we trust? — come up with some proposal that will be far worse than demonetisation. All governments, across countries, always live up to people’s worst fears. It is in the nature of governance and politics. So stay tuned for something that will make you look wistfully at demonetisation.

Anyway, for what it is worth, Crank’s News got down to understand the pulse of the people through a ‘State of the Nation’ poll.

This is an exercise we in the media regularly undertake for two important reasons

1) We get the sense of the nation’s mood

2) It helps us to fill the vast tracts of pages/airwaves without us having to think anything on our own.

So here it is, where we reveal to the people what they revealed to us in the first place:

Politics

73% of the people surveyed said that the Central government has done more than a decent job in the two-and-half years that it has been in power.

The remaining 27% insisted they would answer only if we removed the gun that we had kept pointed to their head.

Asked to rate the NDA government, 50% respondents felt that it was a difficult job for this government as the previous UPA governments had made a thorough mess of everything possible. The remaining 50% respondents opined that it was very easy for this government as anything, including doorknobs and flush toilets, in comparison to the UPA governments was bound to look intelligent and responsible.

On demonetisation, at least 64% of the respondents felt that it was a necessary step to combat black-money, something that the nation had to take for the sake of larger common good.

Almost all of those who surveyed turned out to be — call it a quirk of fate — employees of PayTM.

(When we asked the poll agency as to why they interviewed only PayTM employees, the agency said the rest of the population was singularly in ATM lines).

Asked whether the opposition parties in the country have managed to make capital out of the demonetisation woes, 12% of the respondents said they have, the response of the remaining 88% could not be gathered as they were sprawled on the floor laughing their hearts out.

On Narendra Modi’s performance as the Prime Minister, a whopping 79% felt that he had done exceeding well — more than most of of his predecessors — to pose for a variety of photographs. The remaining 21% added that Modi is the global leader in handling selfie sticks.

On Rahul Gandhi’s performance, 100% of the respondents concurred that it was the first time they came across Rahul Gandhi and performance in the same sentence.

International

With Trump set to take over as the President of the USA, a 67% of people felt that immigration and refugee crisis will get worse in the world. And many of the respondents feel that it may be because American residents would want to get out of their own country.

Trump presidency tenure is something to look forward and will create plenty of opportunities, said 62% of the standup comics.

On Britain, most of the respondents felt disappointed at Brexit referendum was just for European Union and not for exiting Britain from the global union. In a world full of diverse opinions and views, it was heartening to note that there was near cent per cent consensus on the collective hatred for Britain. Just as well.

Sports

In India, 87% felt that India has done spectacularly well in Test cricket all through the year and spiritedly avoided their usual international debacle by the common sense logic most of their matches in India itself.

Television and Newspapers

93% said the credibility of the TV news programmes zoomed to a tremendous high during ad breaks.

79% said the arrival of longform journalism is most welcome as it gives the discerning readers a much-needed chance to skip large tracts of prose.

Bollywood

Nearly 67% of the populace felt that the nation needed to pardon Ranveer Singh’s dress sense.

General

Asked to name the one problem that the nation has to tackle first in the coming year, the near unanimity on the first issue facing nation was: the New Year falling on a Sunday.

*Statutory Disclosure

*The sample size ranged from zero to negative integers. 


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