‘Rajnikanth can be booked under Sec 377’

New Delhi: The Supreme Court’s order upholding the Constitutional validity of Section 377 of the IPC raises uncomfortable questions over the Constitutional validity of Constitution itself, as it basically has ‘Founding Fathers’ only, if you get our drift.

Anyway, according to legal experts, the biggest worry on Section 377, which seeks to come down on things against ‘order of nature’, is that today it is sexual preferences, but tomorrow it has the potential to be invoked over other things. Considering how modern jurisprudence operates, you can be sure it will be. And that is why if you are in Karnataka you have a lot to worry. For, there is a pretty compelling case for bringing down the might of Section 377 on the entirety of Karnataka for preparing sambhar that is verily the definition of being against ‘order of nature’.

Arnab Goswami’s journalism, Rohit Shetty’s films, MS Dhoni’s helicopter shot, Himesh Reshamaiya’s songs, certain yoga postures of Baba Ramdev, Suhel Seth’s hairstyle, the post of Vice President, Rajya Sabha, Vidya Balan’s dress sense, West Bengal being the Eastern headquarters, …when you come down it, this ‘being against the order of nature’ has a wide ambit. Pretty much everything in this country can go under it. Starting from, of course, the Prime Minister. Manmohan Singh, who has not won a single popular election in his lifetime but gets to be the Prime Minister of the country that prides itself at being called the biggest democracy in the world. It is indeed a matter of wonder as to why Subramaniam Swamy has still not moved the Supreme Court with the plea that Manmohan continuing in the office of the Prime Minister goes against the general grain of all nature. Democracy’s in particular.

And then there is judiciary itself. If you are in an office and there is a huge backlog of work to be completed, the first thing your boss will cut down on is: Your holidays and leave. It is, you will understand, in the very order of very nature. But here we have judiciary sitting on lakhs and lakhs and lakhs of unresolved cases, and the one thing that it unfailingly takes is: A summer break for a month.

The hierarchy. The robes. The language. Frankly, the entire  ecosystem of  judiciary seems at odds with the order of normal human nature.

Finally we come to the one thing that does not follow nature, but is indeed a force of an entirely different nature. One that can defy all canons of rationality, all rules of acceptance, all norms of human understanding. One that beguiles our notions of reasoning. One that constantly extends our frontiers of belief. One that trumps both arts and science.  Yes, hard as it may be to imagine, yes even imagine, Section 377 carries in it the potential of being invoked on Rajnikanth.

There can be no more points to be made in this case.

Disclaimer 1: If they are not going to read down Section 377 (of the IPC), they should at least try and give it a different number. Because, let us face it, 377’s rear is brought up by the copulation of two, well, same-sexed integers, flagrantly committing the crime that it is avowedly against.

Disclaimer 2: Order of nature, ironically, anagrams to rear-rooted fun.

Disclaimer 3: Order of nature in this earth is wholly ensured by its gravitational force, which was first explained by Sir Isaac Newton, who, it is widely held, was a homosexual. Who knows, in the weird sense of the law as we practise it, gravity could be held illegal in this country!

Disclaimer4: This order of nature is hugely overrated. Rahul Dravid, we all agree, is nature born to bat at Number 3. But it was Laxman who walked in at No 3(in the 2nd innings) at Kolkata 2001 against Australia.

Disclaimer 5: This is also important: Don’t treat all jokes on gays as a manifestation of homophobic inclinations. Ask for sensitivity and empathy. That’s all. For, the least we need is the creation of another set of holy cows beyond the pale of jolly jocularity and healthy irreverence.