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Romancing the love

What is love? This question has been plaguing humankind right from the moment the world came into being, unmindful of the fact that both English and the question mark symbol had not been invented then.

And when early man fell in love, he didn’t have the easy comfort and convenience of romantically conveying his inner most feelings through mass cheesy lines written on a kitschy card, as the brain trusts behind the Archies Card company were not even ready to be born.

So, much of the early men’s private feelings, unable to find a suitable outlet, were left smouldering inside, which they probably unleashed on hapless animals roaming around unsuspectingly. This is how many species of the animal kingdom rapidly became extinct. It is in memory of those long-dead unwary beasts of the jungle that ‘Teddy Bear’ is commemorated as a symbol of enduring love and romance, despite the fact that the image of a hairy grizzly can logically only be a turn off in any moment of passion..

As we trace the evolution of love, we realise the Romans had their God of love as Cupid because it was the closest word they could think up to rhyme with stupid. The Greeks, for their part, had Eros, which is an anagram of rose. So stupidity and roses have been a huge historical part of love as civilizations unfolded across centuries to reach that moment which we call as today (Friday).

Elsewhere, the Indians too had their God of love, Kama, armed with the bow of sugarcane, no doubt making a cultural and classical allusion to the reality that when in love silly things come to you spontaneously.

When you are on the subject of romance and love, the name of Saint Valentine has to be inevitably evoked. How Valentine has come to symbolise modern love and how for a brief period in her life did Aishwarya Rai have a romantic dalliance with Vivek Oberoi will forever remain historical happenings that are clouded in dubious mystery.

They say love makes the world go round. So are we to conclude that if all the human beings stopped loving, the earth will start revolving in a square or octagonal axis, which, for we all know, may hasten the process of global warming and further slow down the rate of A R Rahman’s music composing speed?

Despite all the developments, have we all found a convincing answer to the question that the early human beings started with: What was T Rajendhar in his previous life?

Sorry wrong question. The thing to ask is: have we all truly understood the various dimensions of love and romance that are core to human propagation that has helped us develop in diverse fields including that of family planning and the urgent need to stop human beings from propagating further?

Lest posterity casts aspersions on us that we didn’t fully comprehend the intricate differences in the myriad shades of romance, here is a quick quirky list of the various moods and moments when the heart wakes up and flutters as the brain sleeps (on the sly with the curvaceous glands to produce strange hormones).

Crush

Have you ever wondered that people still somehow manage to remember the name of the teacher who taught them science in seventh standard or thereabouts, while, as a matter of fact, they can’t recollect their own blood group? Well, the point is they have never had a beautiful crush on their blood group.

Crush is that indefinable feeling in the heart and mind of a young being that never really develops into anything deeper (unless of course the teacher too is kinky) and is generally crushed because the young being often finds something better and worthy to channel his hormonal attention on.

Puppy Love

This is the second stage in the evolution of love. It is generally referred to as puppy love or calf love because it would to be too impolite and in-your-face to describe it as donkey love. Donkeys are the ones that bray in seeming happiness when their forlorn predicament and condition must logically induce tears and crying. Those smitten by puppy love often betray this strange tendency:

Whooping up and down in joy and getting emotionally moved by movies like Titanic and thinking it to be the last word on romance when in reality Titanic is a monumental tragedy that befell a gargantuan carrier whose captain was disoriented by the shenanigans of a young lover couple that he failed to spot an iceberg the size of Tamil Nadu.

Puppy love is culturally vital in that it drives into a young girl’s mind that she is the focus of attention of all male eyes all the time. She cannot shrug this feeling even after she is dead and buried, and usually suspects the nearby interred male skeleton to be making a pass at her.

Puppy love also creates a situation where all boys are disturbed to terminal distraction that by the time they become men they don’t even notice the institutionalized robbery in the form of taxation and bank loan conditions.

Infatuation

When a person is infatuated, it doesn’t take much to cheat him and hence is ready for anything that Archies Cards offer.

Archies cards, by the way, work on the ennobling spirit: No mortal words can truly reflect the intense emotions of a besotted heart. But price tags do. The foundation of Archies revenue model is: Ridiculously priced cards and crazy knickknacks = Lots of Impressed women.

Platonic Love

Good and bad. Coke and Pepsi. Fans of actor Vijay and human beings. In general, life is forever spliced into two. So every redeeming virtue is confronted by a persistent vulgarity. And so it is with love. Platonic love is a gross and crude form of romance in which women lovers develop illicit affairs with Greek philosopher Plato, who was famous for being a Greek philosopher.

There are many more types of love. Love has no end, actually. But news columns have.

You must love them for that.


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