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State of the Nation poll: Why people prefer Sonia

Also, what gives more goosebumps than Sachin’s Sharjah innings

New Delhi: The State of the Nation poll, conducted on the occasion of the completion of the two years of UPA government at the Centre, has thrown up very many interesting and intriguing findings across different subjects.

Here they have been classified under various categories:

Scams

93% said the 2G scam has exposed to the nation the sheer enormity of M Karunanidhi’s family.

One respondent most memorably said: Rs. 1.76 lakh crore is pittance when you divide it by the numbers in Karunanidhi’s households.

All 100% of them said that considering the size of Karunanidhi’s family, the Election Commission should announce it as a separate electoral constituency.

Politics

82% of the people surveyed said that Manmohan Singh was a man of integrity.

All 100% of them agreed they did not know the meaning of the word ‘integrity’.

Sonia Gandhi

76% felt Sonia Gandhi would do a good job as the Prime Minister.

And almost all of them said: ‘We need change. Silvio Berlusconi has become a huge shame for the nation’

Rahul Gandhi

67% said Rahul Gandhi represented the aspirations of the youth of India. Just as Ranbir Kapoor does in that Docomo ad, they added.

Cricket

69% of the respondents felt that there was an overkill of cricket.

But 100% opined that there was bigger overkill of news reports on the overkill of cricket.

And, even those who did not participate in the survey categorically asserted that Navjot Singh Sidhu should be over killed.

IPL

72% agreed that the Indian Premier League provided a wonderful platform for young talents to showcase their considerable skills.

100% of them were referring to the cheerleaders.

Radia Tapes

88% felt that the Niira Radia tapes did not contain anything ‘earth-shattering’.

100% of this set based their opinion after Google threw up disappointing results to their search query: ‘hot pictures of Niira Radia’.

All 100% of them said they would not even dream to attempt such a search on Barkha Dutt.

Television

96% said the credibility of the news programmes zoomed to a tremendous high during ad breaks.

All the people surveyed said Arnab Goswami was the most powerful newscaster that his sermons could be heard even when the television sets were switched off.

Newspapers

78% said that newspapers performed the vital democratic function of conveying to the people that they (newspapers) were performing some vital democratic function.

100% of them said editorials and the Open-Ed page containing long features in newspapers were important as they provided the readers the much-needed choice to skip two full pages.

Internet

76% said they experience goosebumps whenever they watch Sachin Tendulkar’s Sharjah innings on the Youtube.

All 100% of them said they experienced bigger goosebumps watching Telugu star Balakrishna’s climactic fights and resounding dialogues.

Social Media

82% of people surveyed felt Twitter and Facebook to be efficient Social Media platforms.

100% of them defined Social Media as the ‘media to share vacation photos, details of restaurants and pubs and for top TV anchors to announce their show timings’.

Technology

79% described Apple ipads and iphones as the coolest gizmos to perform the top technological function of showing off.

Actual total usage of the various applications downloaded: 2%

Telecom

88% said they were happy that mobile portability provided them the much-needed freedom to arrive at the conclusion that the customer service of all telecom service providers suck.

92% were fans of zoozoo because ‘its face was more expressive than Abhishek Bachchan’s’.

IIT

76% said that Jairam Ramesh was barking up the wrong tree when he said that the quality of the faculty at the IITs were not world class. ‘The quality of the canteens at these institutes is far worse,’ they pointed out.

In Chennai, 99% said the percentage of those qualifying for the IITs from Chennai had come down drastically. They blamed the closure of the kaiendhi bhavan in front of the Brilliant Tutorials for that.

Bollywood

66% agreed that the quality of the films made in Bollywood was coming down alarmingly.

100% blamed Hollywood for this.

72% felt Shahid Kapoor learnt his English spelling skills from ‘Captcha’

99% confessed they could never make out the difference between Aishwarya Rai and her wax replica at Tussaud’s. ‘I guess you should go by acting skills. The latter may just edge her out,’ one respondent said.

All respondents could not even hazard a guess as to how Dino Morea ended up as an actor.

Kollywood

89% demanded director Vikraman to make more films with S A Rajkumar’s music.

77% wanted Kamal Haasan to make Tamil films in Tamil.

100% found the Rajnikanth jokes doing the rounds to be stupid and silly. They said there can be no competition to his films.

Statutory Disclosures

*The sample size ranged from zero to negative integers.

*The poll was conducted over three days, from 29 to 31 February, 2011

(Disclaimer: We guarantee that this survey will be more accurate than the TV exit polls on TN elections).

  • 80% said they RT CrankCorner. Upon much grilling 3.8% agreed they read the column before they RT.

    50% said they laughed when they read CrankCorner. The other 50% said they laughed because their friends did.

    2% of journalists agreed that this column was a joke. The remaining 98% have rushed to their respective offices to give this as ‘Breaking News’.

    I could go but am stopping since I am hearing Arnab repeat this news. Even though my TV is switched off!!!

  • K Balakumar

    @Suresh: 100% say your comment is way too funnier than anything seen in the above piece 🙂

  • MN

    Fantastically imaginative article & wonderful comments too. Hats off!!

  • latha

    super 🙂 ……………… no words to express…….fantastic creativity….

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